Distracted!

How many times have you been sucked up an bubble called day to day life, that you cannot(read don't) find time for the things that you want?

Being busy often means focusing on the things that matter to you. Professionally. I graduated like a month ago, i started my masters in project management, changing jobs and looking for a new apartment to live. Needing a break from everything, i took some time off from everything.

And what did i do? I spent the time on many other things than the things that i love doing. And by some reason those things are time consuming, so i somehow got distracted again from the things that i love doing. In the last two months i played only twice tennis, i ran once, football once, i cant remember when was the last time i was fishing, travelling out of the scope, hiking - what was that, I left the book on half, had bubbles bath once.

But in contrary to that i have spent my free time on listening music home alone, partying, drinking, smoking, drinking coffees, doing nothing, meeting random friends, random conversations, playing computer games.

So i decided that i need plan and goals for personal life also. Its the only way to keep track on things. The only was to achieve my goals. And say no to people. Say no when they call you to do something that i don't feel like doing. And if i cant find anyone to go fishing with, i will go alone. Starting day after tomorrow.

Its raining tomorrow ;)

One last curtаin call!

I just came back from the main square. During the whole day there was a commemorative service there. Thousands of people just kept coming there. From 7 to 77 years old. Lighting up a candle for him, living their last note. Saying a silent prayer. One short look in their eyes and you will understand everything.

Never expected that everyone will react like this. The parliament and schools stopped working. At university the amphitheaters were covered in tears. In the administration silence. This was the only news today. No sport, no culture. Tomorrow is a national grief day.

Walking towards the square, i pass by many caffee's. Everyone of the 50 caffee's are playing only his songs. I couldn't stop the creeps running all over my body. And getting to the center of the square, everything there looked like one big sanctuary. With a huge poster of him in the center. With thousands of candles. And his songs in the background.



"Kid" with an angel voice. But its not his voice that people adore so much. Its his big heart that sets the rhythm of his music. An idol and example for all kids. Pure and innocent soul. Someone that makes you smile, even when you dont feel like it. People still refuse to believe that this has happened to him. Why to him?

I heard someone said that God is taking all the best people in his heavenly team. That now he is up there on the other side, and being happy. I also heard that people are praying and lighting up candles, like applause so he will come out on a curtain call(bis) one last time(that's what he usually does on his concerts).

Слушни ги, мајсторе, повторно те викаат на бис!

I wish he could see all this.

In Memoriam!

Macedonia is in shock. The biggest Macedonian star - the singer Toshe Proevski has died in car accident this morning.


He got killed in a car accident in Croatia. Died at age of 26.

Long time since i felt shocked and ...angry. He was a person who made i dont know how many humanitarian concerts, was singing for the kids, true Macedonian, without any scandal in his career. Pure and innocent soul. The only person that everyone liked. Everyone.



And now he is dead. So young. Like there werent enough bad people in the world, so this one had to be taken.

Rest in peace my friend.

Brave heart!

August and September are months of national sports teams. Football qualifications for European championship, basketball qualification, Handball Under21 world championship...

Having good teams, good generation of players in all these competitions, we were expecting a lot. Fans hearts were beating together with the players. But what happened?

The juniors in handball were really close to semi-finals. Having maybe the best generation of players ever, but no leader. When it was the "to be or not to be moment", there wasnt a big enough player that will carry the team on his back. We missed a penalty shot in the last minute. From being close to a medal, we ended up 10th.

The basketball team has the best team ever. They play really good basketball. We beat many teams. And on the last game to qualify to the championship that its now in Spain, we played with Israel, losing 15 points 7 minutes till the end. They caught up with them, and on 2 min it was 1 for them. But the same story again. No leader. Noone to make the final shot for win. We lost.

The football team played Russia. Even that we were loosing from the 5th minute when they scored for 1-0, we had couple of chances. And there was it. In 75min, penalty for us, and red card- player out for them. 15 min more to win. But we have to score first. And what happened? We missed the penalty. And they received 2 more goals. Sad.

Coming to the brave heart topic. What does it means to be a leader. It takes a lot more then being a good player. It takes a lot more then having talent and potential. It takes a lot more to score facing penalty shootout. It takes a lot more to win the last yard when you passed 99 before. To make the final shot with the siren. And score.

Even when you miss. At least you had the guts to shoot. Thats braver than most people. I guess we dont have that kind of person on board. I will make pause of being crazy national fan, till i see this kind of person. And till then i will watch the games on TV.

The last soldier!

Have you ever felt helpless? Have you ever felt like its enought trying? Have you ever felt that dissatisfied enough that you question your very basics of character?

Well, i did that. Tonight. I felt helpless. I felt like there nothing i can do. I cant chage people. I cant show them what bothers me. They are too stubborn, or self-confident... that i can sooner go crazy, than something will be changed.

My best friends. Having an argument with them. Saying that i dont like something, please change that behaviour.

But no, changing something like that, even that its wrong, means losing their identity. WTF???

My best friend. I told her that i need closeness in order to communicate. She needs the opposite. While i was the one who was in touch with her, sending mails, calling, it was ok. Since i stopped playing by her rules, her preferences, just to see what will happen, i havent heard from her in months. So simple. Things go in different direction. She doesnt make the effort.

My best friend. We have lots of different opinions. Almost about everything. Since i was lowering my standards, since i was the one saying sorry all the time, since i tolerated the bullshit that happened every now and then and tried to make it work. And lets see if he will do the same for me...But no, now we are getting distanced. Cant recognize him anymore. He didnt do any effort.

And i hear you say, well, if this is true what you are saying, they weren't your best friends.

The thing is that they are. Really. I know that they care about me! And i love them too.

So i wonder. Is it me that its asking too much? I know that its not, being completly truthful to my self. Can i change so much that i will fit to them all??? Yes. But, is that the purpose? Does the means justify the goal?

I am not so sure.

I always thought that people can change easily. That once they identify what they wanna do, they just...do it. That's supposed to make them happy. Well, i guess i was wrong.

They dont change! They just say they do. Or maybe for a while. And after they come back to their comfort zone, and they do it all over again. Just as they were doing it before.

They forget about their beliefs, they forget about their principles or dreams, they just dont want to feel...wrong.

There is nothing bad in getting off the "way" sometimes. There is nothing bad in acting like i have no principles. There is Nothing bad like acting like everyone else in this world, right???

Ignorant, selfish.

If everyone else can live like that, why cant i?

Well, i guess i cant. Or i am the last soldier out at the front line.

Partying with Mr.President!

Last night with a friend of mine went for couple of drinks in the city center, in one of the fancy caffee's. He is that kind of person, so he insisted on going there.

I dont really like that kind of places. High security, VIP people, expensive clothes, over priced drinks, cigars, Rolex's and Mercedes Benz parked in front of it. Well, all these things doesn't impress me. I tried not to look around, but the thing that grabbed my attention was seeing Mr. President of the country.

Great clothing, nice dark tan, classy hairstyle. He and his friends seemed like having a really good time(maybe drinking a little bit more:)

And not just simply cause i saw him there ( i've met him once before:), but by the fact that he was barely noticed by the rest of the people. No paparazzi, no attention, kind of being incognito.

Thats the advantage of living in such a small country like mine. You can party together with the President:)

Cant sleep!

Its 1:20 AM and i just cant sleep. I was craving to go to bed whole day, and now i am just turning around, million things go trough my mind. And these are hectic days. Too many things happening. Need to process them at some point. But not now...