Things that i regret!
We buried my grandma today. She lived long and happy life. She was 85, had 3 children, 6 grand children, 3 grand grand children....may she rest in peace...she was beloved wife, mother, grandma...
when the priest was singing his prayers(Christian Orthodox ceremony), couple of words were dinging in my mind...she had many achievements and some plans...for all the things that she didn't manage to accomplish/ finish, its up to her family now.And in the middle of the chapel my mind flew away. i started thinking about all the things that i regret that i didnt do in the past. i mean i am 24 and i have a happy live. i am making my own choices, i am pretty independent, having a bright future ahead of me, travelled a lot, i have big and happy family, lots of good friends, i am having lots of fun, i am learning a lot, i work what i love...etc etc.
but when i stoped with all the things, i started thinking about all the things that i missed. cause i didnt manage to see my grandma enough, i was too busy lately, doesnt matter that it was sudden death. and i regretted that...
and things kept on coming...things that if i dont finish/do them now, maybe i would never be able to do....or it will be too late, or meaningless...just because i am busy...or lets say reckless aka 'stupid'! cause you can always find time, if its important enough for you...i can understand being busy for a month or two, but not for 2-3 years....thats shouldnt be an excuse!
1) i want to spend more quality time with my brother. we are both too busy.
2) i want to finish university as fast as i can. i was supposed to do that like 6 months ago.
3) i dont think that i tell enough to the people that i love how much i love them, appreciate their company, learn from them, enjoy their friendship etc.
4) i think that i havent said sorry to some people when i was wrong.
5) i want to find a better way how to communicate with my father. we both should improve the way that we express ourselves.
6) i want to finally quit smoking. i was managing to do that for 3 or 6 months, but after kept on smoking.
7) i want to travel as much as possible till i am 30.
and the list goes on and on. i thought, in order for me to be even more happier, i shouldnt have regrets. so i made a list. and i knew most of the things from before, i had them in my head, and i am working on those.
do you have a list like this? i bet you do. if not on paper, maybe in your mind. or maybe kinda many new year resolutions. how do you evaluate them? how do you review them? how do youput new things on it???
i dont wanna turn 30 and say : crap, i was able to, but i didnt do these things.
12 Comments:
moje saucesce...
definitely it`s not easy when you lose someone and realize you didn`t spend enough time with him/her...
and I agree on most of what you said about looking back and regreting about things you didn`t do, but have in mind that you cannot do everything you want... there is simply not enough time... and there`s always a balance - some things you get, some you lose, so it`s up to you to prioritize and decide what will make you more happy...
for example, I had a nice job back home and pretty much life I enjoyed, but when I saw this traineeship (regional CSR coordinator for Middle East and Africa at Microsoft) I had to apply... Why? Simply because I didn`t want to turn 30 and think about if I would get it or not and how it would look like...
So here I am in Istanbul enjoying my traineeship so much that you cannot imagine... they offered me to stay actually... but I`m looking forward to going home... Why? `cause she is there...
Priorities... balance... shit, why noone invented teleport already???
December 6, 2006 11:15:00 PM MET
Does it make sense to regret?
You can't do much about the past...
The cool thing is to actually take the lesson and focus on what you can do now or in the future in order to avoid repeating things you don't want to do again. Exactly as you did.
I don't believe in "what if" questions orientated towards the past. You made your decisions and your choices. Yes, they did influence your life. But you will again be in a situation when you need to decide. In fact, it's happening every second. Hopefully, we don't forget to take into consideration the lessons learned previously. ;)
I don't want to regret things in my life. It doesn't make sense, it would just keep me down. Obviously, there are some things I wouldn't do AGAIN. But at that point of time, I had my reasons to act as I did. And I know that it's anyways too late to change it.
Now I need to be brave enough to face the consequences of my actions.
But that's a completely different story...
December 7, 2006 12:24:00 AM MET
Zuzka, do you think that is healthy not to have regrets? i dont believe that i made all the right decisions in my life. i dont want to have it like that.
otherwise what are you going to learn, if you believe that you didnt make mistake????
Nino my man - why the hell you dont have comments on your blog??? leave me your mail or MSN or something...
there is always she/he in decision:)... so, you are setting your goals/actions with accordance to her/her goals?
dude, i could use a teleport right now...to teleport my self to couple of places... maybe also to Istambul too so we can grap couple of beers and catch up:)
December 7, 2006 2:22:00 PM MET
My grandmother passed away December 6th 2005. Hope that our grandmothers are up in heaven getting to know eachother!
May they both rest in peace,
Maria
December 7, 2006 2:37:00 PM MET
Darko, that's bullshit.
Obviously I made many mistakes in my life, I took a couple of wrong decisions. But I do NOT regret them exactly BECAUSE I learned from them so much!
Regretting things makes you being focused on the past, so you might eventually be loosing your future.
Take the lesson, move on. No regrets.
Setting goals according to THE ONE: Funny enough, I chatted to Bee yesterday...
Bee: soo, what do you want to do next year, Zuzi?
Zuzka: aaaaaaaah, don't know... I have a couple of options in mind... I need to speak to Sami and see what he wants to do as well, then we'll see.
Bee: heheee, that's exactly what he told me last night when we went for a drink...
Setting goals together is necessary, I guess. How else do you want to build up a "WE" if you always concentrate only on the "ME" or "YOU" part?
That's called building a common future ;) I find it very important, especially in a long-distance relationship when you need to have a perspective of being together...
December 7, 2006 4:48:00 PM MET
moje saucesce Darko...
The biggest accomplishment in life is to look back one day and say you have no regrets..
I think it's a bit of an utopia since we will at some point have regrets but this is the best time in life to prevent feeling sorry for not doing something (at least)...
"Breath with full lungs" we would say...
December 7, 2006 7:46:00 PM MET
darko, dude, of course I have comments :)
you`ll find a number in the topic of every post - next to the date... :)
msn is nikolajovanovic(at)hotmail.com and e-mail is nikola.jovanovic(at)gmail
cheers and good to see you at least online :)
December 7, 2006 10:45:00 PM MET
Dare.....
I AM SO SORRY FOR THE PREVIOUS NIGHT.
There, i've said it and wrote it with Caps on.
I understood your point of view, and maybe i was shouting so much, but that was because i was so quite the previous days.
So, i hope u forgive me. If not...i will be your neeses boyfriend sooooooon.
See ya
Goce
December 9, 2006 12:40:00 AM MET
Dare!
I completely understand what you mean by regreting things u didn't do, and it's prety normal, because we are humans and we cannot do everything at the same time, and we have to prioritize, and priorities change every moment in life.
In my case, you know I love really love my mother and I haven't been with her for 3 years and a half, but we both understand that if it's real love what keeps up together, the happiness of each one of us is the most important and to achieve our dreams makes us happy. Even if we have to sacrify the fact of being together.
God is always with us and He is the best communication link between my mom and me, however, I am human and I miss her so much and all this things are very easy to say, but really hard to experience.
Dare, I know how sensible you are, how big is your heart and how able u r to experience good feelings for others... however, I completely agree with you, about expressing more those feelings, that will make you feel better with yourself, more peaceful and in balance.
I like very much your approach to the moment you are facing because u r regreting things u didn't do, but u r learning from it and trying to avoid that that happens again in the future. I am sure you will succeed!
You know, I wish all your heart's dreams come true. God blesses you.
WARM LATIN HUG
with love,
Sandrita
December 12, 2006 1:15:00 PM MET
Moje sožalje.
As you say, Dare, ... Your life is going pretty well. I'm sure your grandmother loved you and because of that your happiness is what she wants from you. Even today. Even that day, when you were saying your final goodbye to her.
She was with you and reminded you what is important to you and for you, cause she knew you need that. Don't forget what she reminded you of!
She'll keep on taking good care of you and you will be able to feel her love, especially when you'll need her most.
That's how both of my grandmothers are taking care of me from above. I'm sure your grandmother's soul is just as bright.
December 12, 2006 2:05:00 PM MET
Darko, I am very sorry...
All our life is a set of moments in every of each something is happening.
I have grandfather who is 88 years old. For a long time I was promissing to make him one present, which he was expacting from me. For half of year I was telling to my self that I don't have a time to go and buy it... but once, I realized that my garndfather can go from this life in everymoment and I will be never able to give him this present... Next day I left all my work and went for it.
I think that our life consist of very simple things. Usually we are not paying attention to them, cause they always with us, like our parents, friend, health etc. But when they go, we understand that this simple things are building our lives and it is very hard to live without them...
December 14, 2006 8:48:00 PM MET
Darko, in my opinion regrets are essential in our lifes...If you are not able to define your regrets you are not able to become "better" to figure out what your next priorities, life steps should look like..Regrets are natural and all of us should make a learning out of them. I wish you to find as many personal regrets as possible to make your life as fullfilling as you like...
Lots of love from friend
Eva
PS:I regulary do my priority list for half a year period based on my life values and long term vision (plan). When this period pass i evalute if i was able to accomplish my points if not i search for causes and try avoid those "mistakes" in the next period. Definetely I do think about my "regrets" and try not to repeat those "bad" dicissions again.
December 17, 2006 3:24:00 PM MET
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