Will you be my Valentine?

I have never celebrated Valentines day. its a bit odd and weird probably, but thats how it is.

i was thinking why? how come all my relationships are ether just sparkles, or one night stands, or they never last more than two weeks...well, things are changing only if you do something about it, right?

well this time was pretty different. i was flirting with this girl for couple of months, and then went out couple of times, and then started dating, almost for a month back from now.

and i thought, this might be different. she is and hot and sexy, makes me laugh and laughs at my jokes, listens to me, we talk a lot, takes the things easy, we have lots of fun... all my friends were saying that its about time for me to settle down and to start really dating someone...

then i imagined how valentines day will look like... that we should go on a romantic dinner in the restaurant where my friend plays the piano, with lots of candles, get her a nice teddy bear with the smell of my perfume that will hold small rose in its hands, and then go and grab some drinks in a karaoke bar and dance whole evening, drink cocktails and have lots of fun. and then for the special surprise(or that can happen in the restaurant if my friend knows to play that song), i will take the mike and sing for her " beautiful Maria of my soul" by mambo kings (her name is Maria by the way)... and then go home and spend the rest of the evening together(i will keep this part for myself;)... and you can call me old fashion or that i watch too many romantic comedies(which i'm not;))), but i want to ask - would you be my valentine? :)))

so i got everything prepared.

well, all of this sounds good...but made me thinking...

first i said, hey its too much, i dont feel that way about her, to do it like that. then i said, ok then lets have a normal random romantic dinner.

and then i realized that if i dont feel like doing all these things for her, then i dont feel that she is special to me.

sometimes i wonder why i cant go and enjoy a normal, random dinner. i dont have to necessarily love her to do that, right? why i have this tendency everything to be special, everything to be right? i wonder if i want too much? do i complicate the things too much??

however thats who i am. thats how i live my life.

so i told her how i feel. had to be fair with her. the whole attraction thing from the beginning, went somewhere in the air....dont know where. i dont feel that she is special. so we broke up.

so i guess i will have to find my valentine some other time, somewhere else... :)