Brave heart!

August and September are months of national sports teams. Football qualifications for European championship, basketball qualification, Handball Under21 world championship...

Having good teams, good generation of players in all these competitions, we were expecting a lot. Fans hearts were beating together with the players. But what happened?

The juniors in handball were really close to semi-finals. Having maybe the best generation of players ever, but no leader. When it was the "to be or not to be moment", there wasnt a big enough player that will carry the team on his back. We missed a penalty shot in the last minute. From being close to a medal, we ended up 10th.

The basketball team has the best team ever. They play really good basketball. We beat many teams. And on the last game to qualify to the championship that its now in Spain, we played with Israel, losing 15 points 7 minutes till the end. They caught up with them, and on 2 min it was 1 for them. But the same story again. No leader. Noone to make the final shot for win. We lost.

The football team played Russia. Even that we were loosing from the 5th minute when they scored for 1-0, we had couple of chances. And there was it. In 75min, penalty for us, and red card- player out for them. 15 min more to win. But we have to score first. And what happened? We missed the penalty. And they received 2 more goals. Sad.

Coming to the brave heart topic. What does it means to be a leader. It takes a lot more then being a good player. It takes a lot more then having talent and potential. It takes a lot more to score facing penalty shootout. It takes a lot more to win the last yard when you passed 99 before. To make the final shot with the siren. And score.

Even when you miss. At least you had the guts to shoot. Thats braver than most people. I guess we dont have that kind of person on board. I will make pause of being crazy national fan, till i see this kind of person. And till then i will watch the games on TV.

The last soldier!

Have you ever felt helpless? Have you ever felt like its enought trying? Have you ever felt that dissatisfied enough that you question your very basics of character?

Well, i did that. Tonight. I felt helpless. I felt like there nothing i can do. I cant chage people. I cant show them what bothers me. They are too stubborn, or self-confident... that i can sooner go crazy, than something will be changed.

My best friends. Having an argument with them. Saying that i dont like something, please change that behaviour.

But no, changing something like that, even that its wrong, means losing their identity. WTF???

My best friend. I told her that i need closeness in order to communicate. She needs the opposite. While i was the one who was in touch with her, sending mails, calling, it was ok. Since i stopped playing by her rules, her preferences, just to see what will happen, i havent heard from her in months. So simple. Things go in different direction. She doesnt make the effort.

My best friend. We have lots of different opinions. Almost about everything. Since i was lowering my standards, since i was the one saying sorry all the time, since i tolerated the bullshit that happened every now and then and tried to make it work. And lets see if he will do the same for me...But no, now we are getting distanced. Cant recognize him anymore. He didnt do any effort.

And i hear you say, well, if this is true what you are saying, they weren't your best friends.

The thing is that they are. Really. I know that they care about me! And i love them too.

So i wonder. Is it me that its asking too much? I know that its not, being completly truthful to my self. Can i change so much that i will fit to them all??? Yes. But, is that the purpose? Does the means justify the goal?

I am not so sure.

I always thought that people can change easily. That once they identify what they wanna do, they just...do it. That's supposed to make them happy. Well, i guess i was wrong.

They dont change! They just say they do. Or maybe for a while. And after they come back to their comfort zone, and they do it all over again. Just as they were doing it before.

They forget about their beliefs, they forget about their principles or dreams, they just dont want to feel...wrong.

There is nothing bad in getting off the "way" sometimes. There is nothing bad in acting like i have no principles. There is Nothing bad like acting like everyone else in this world, right???

Ignorant, selfish.

If everyone else can live like that, why cant i?

Well, i guess i cant. Or i am the last soldier out at the front line.